APS is the short for my autoimmune syndrome. It has flared and my blood has been too thick. When that happens I feel like a drunk. I am slow to think, my coordination is off. It is an overwhelming weakness that akes over my body that the effort to talk is too great. When I do talk my speech is a mess. It takes so much effort even right now as I challenge myself to type. I cannot begin to tell you how many times all ready I have had to backspace as my letters jumble around.
These past three days I was unable to teach the girls. I was unable to attend my paid job on Sat. and Sun. As a nurse I would never want to put my clients in jeopardy and even if I could have phyiscally made it to work I would not have been on my mental ability thus rendering me too dangerous during this time.
Normally, I manage to keep my INR in range and do well but sometimes it just suddenly plummets for no reason.
I endure extreme pain all over with intermittent sharp pain that shoot thgough me. At times I feel like I need air but there is none to find. I have had several brief episodes of double vision and two episodes of blindness in one eye. It makes me feel sick and dizzy yet I must overcome. I know God carries me in these times and there is not excuse other than God's will why I continue on each day.
So I hope that tomorrow I will once again be able to teach the girls. I hope I can have a clear head and drive to the doctor's office. I hope this flare is over when I awake.
What does this have to do with the education of G and F. Everything! I push through to help them make new memories of life every day. Ultimately that is my goal each day. I know who precious each day is and I want to be sure they have many memories to pass on to their children. I know APS is attacking my memory as well so every now and then, when it is a really great one, I plead with God to let me keep that one.