Monday, May 9, 2011

What APS has stolen from me the past three days

APS is the short for my autoimmune syndrome. It has flared and my blood has been too thick. When that happens I feel like a drunk. I am slow to think, my coordination is off. It is an overwhelming weakness that akes over my body that the effort to talk is too great. When I do talk my speech is a mess.  It takes so much effort even right now as I challenge myself to type.  I cannot begin to tell you how many times all ready I have had to backspace as my letters jumble around.

These past three days I was unable to teach the girls. I was unable to attend my paid job on Sat. and Sun. As a nurse I would never want to put my clients in jeopardy and even if I could have phyiscally made it to work I would not have been on my mental ability thus rendering me too dangerous during this time.

Normally, I manage to keep my INR in range and do well but sometimes it just suddenly plummets for no reason.

I endure extreme pain all over with intermittent sharp pain that shoot thgough me. At times I feel like I need air but there is none to find. I have had several brief episodes of double vision and two episodes of blindness in one eye. It makes me feel sick and dizzy yet I must overcome. I know God carries me in these times and there is not excuse other than God's will why I continue on each day.

So I hope that tomorrow I will once again be able to teach the girls. I hope I can have a clear head and drive to the doctor's office. I hope this flare is over when I awake.

What does this have to do with the education of G and F.  Everything!  I push through to help them make new memories of life every day. Ultimately that is my goal each day. I know who precious each day is and I want to be sure they have many memories to pass on to their children.  I know APS is attacking my memory as well so every now and then, when it is a really great one, I plead with God to let me keep that one.

Good night.