Saturday, October 15, 2011

"Your girls are so happy"

This is the last rant post I am going to make. K was told yesterday, by a parent who I respect a lot, that her girls are always so happy and friendly.  I can't imagine a better compliment that a parent can get!  G and F are indeed always "so happy".  Disappointment is not easy for either of them as they are very joyful children, yet they take disappointment eventually and move on as they know joy is just around the corner.

You may ask how this is a rant post by now.  While I attended one break out session at our last coop meeting K attended a different one. She attended a session on discipline. Let me say that how you discipline you child during lesson times is critical to their approach in learning. We so disliked the excessive attention to the red, green, yellow light and the standing along the fence line for five to ten minutes during recess that is is one of our core reasons to leave the public system.  Our public system would move a five year old child to yellow for talking in the lunch line.  If a small child lifted their bottoms off the lunch table bench to lift and see what their friend across the table had they would be removed to a solitary table.  Lunch itself becomes a stressful event. 

Now back to the discipline session that K attended. I have to first say that there were coop leaders as well as another father who conducted this session.  Using the idea that the Christan father is the leader of the home there were not any mothers heading up this panel at all.  Since they are "leaders" in the group then there are some who will listen to the material and go right home and decide that they must attempt the methods of discipline and when to use them.  It is fortunate the my K is an independent thinker and takes in the information and determines how it best fits their family.

The recommended discipline is spanking. That's right, if your child is disobedient they should be spanked. You tell them no and then if you tell them no again you get off you chair to spank them. If they stop what they were doing when you get up then you must spank them as they were still disobedient.  You use a paddle or a wooden spoon.  After all, they are disobedient because they are children still carrying the burden of the original sin. Since they are sinful children they must be spanked to stop from being disobedient.

So where do I go from here?  I guess I will tackle the sinful child. First off, I understand that we all come from differing religious stances even if we all call ourselves Christians. I understand and accept original sin. I do not accept ANY Christian's stance that their child is sinful. IF you are following your Christian faith then someplace in time you either bring that child to the alter and wash that sin away or you dedicate to raising your child in a Christian home and teach them about the Word of God; thus understanding the innocence of a child until an age of accountability and acceptance of the Lord.  I cannot (and will yell it at the rooftops) tolerate, that's right, even tolerate a person who thinks their child is sinful. Finally, if Jesus died for our sins then he also washed away original sin. Take your pick but either way there are not sinful children in the world. I will not waste anymore time on this nonsense.

Where do I go from here? Spankings! I did spank K one time in her life for a huge infraction but not until then. She was thirteen years old.  Did she learn how to follow rules without spanking?  Yes!  As a matter of fact, she had a moral conscience at an early age and all she had to do was feel that she disappointed you and she would cry and effectively correct herself.  There was a brief period that G needed to sit in the corner as a chair time out was not effective.  G rarely gets a time out anymore. F is still getting some time outs but she is younger and not always able to comprehend the problem her behavior created. 

A child's neurological system is not completely developed so their ability to understand and reason with a situation varies with their physical development. If you raise a child to understand and reason then your days of needed discipline will be few while your days of providing direction will be many.

There is a danger when a group of "leaders" present their view to the struggling young parents in the world.  I am thankful that my daughter, the young parent, has a mind of her own and understood the dangers of what she heard. Because my daughter does such a good job, even when she thinks she will pull her hair out, we will get complements about my grandchildren. They are happy!  We hear it often actually, because they are happily loved and treasured as the gift that they are.

My conclusion to this subject is: As an enabling mother my goal is to raise independent, effective adults so that they to will be enabled to do the same for their children. When we all do that, what a terrific place this will be.