Friday, October 14, 2011

Frustration at justification once again and ENABLING

WHY can't a person do school at home and also be homeschooling? WHY can't others realize that there is no one fit?  I find myself tonight justifying ONCE again the methods that we use to teach. All in all my grandchildren are learning and they enjoy the process. Sure we have a tough day from time to time, like a few days ago when I took F out of the room and "suspended" her.  WHO THE HECK DOESN'T? 

I took this one as a request from my daughter and her spouse. I felt called to do it, honestly a calling by my creator to do something that was more than just me.  I had the same feeling when I decided to be a nurse. DO NOT get me wrong, I became a nurse to assure that I could provide for my family, because I learned it easily, and so I would never find myself stuck in a situation that I felt I could not get out of. Even with those motivators I felt the calling from my creator then too.

So tonight we have break sessions at our coop meeting and I went to the one that was to tell about ideas and tips to homeschool with toddlers present and what you child needs to learn in elementary school.  I got some great ideas for when the new baby becomes a toddler and can even see them being useful now for the current kiddos to have quality busy time when the other needs some extra attention in a lesson.  But what I got about what my student needs to learn in elementary school is not a satisfying response.  The answer is --what ever she is able to do-- NO NO NO.  I do not accept this response. No matter what you want to say it is an undeniable fact that live can change in an instant. Perhaps the picture perfect life that so many see blinds them to this possibility. WHAT IF YOUR CHILD HAD TO GO BACK TO PUBLIC SCHOOL NEXT WEEK?  WHAT if your family has a life altering experience?  GET real with yourselves people! 

I have special insight on this. I deal every day with life threatening illness and know how it can change. I have been on the brink of death on more than one occasion.  I tend to clients facing the same thing every weekend. I see how it impacts a family and how unprepared they are for the change they are facing. Maybe it is a permanent change or a temporary change. Either way, they are caught unaware and unprepared.

NOT ME! NOT US!  You cannot go through life with rose colored glasses on and think that your children will never be expected conform to the rest of society.  Today you walk, talk and take advantage of the blessing you are given. Are you prepared for the possibility that it could crumble tonight?

Then I heard the word, "enabling" as well. Enable?  Yes, I enable!  I enable my grandchildren to feel my love each day that I am present in their life. That, by the way, is not every day of their lives.  Yes, I enable my daughter to have better quality of time with her children by teaching the other one while she is occupied.  Yes, I enable the girls to choose their KTM project and do the research to make it happen.  Am I enabling my daughter by teaching her children. YOU BETCHA!  I enable all my family to the best of my ability. I enable them to develop when they were children into adults.  Does mothering have to stop. I do not pay their bills, clean their clothes, buy their clothes, buy them beer, supply them with drugs, make excuses for their poor choices that are made from time to time, patch up their family spats, tell them what I would do if I were them (that one really gets them irritated as they want to know what I would do from time to time) or make their curriculum choices for them.  I do not have to agree with them but I will honor their wishes in how the core subjects are taught as these are not my children.  I enable my family to be part of one whole extended family. 

So now I know how this particular person feels and being a leader of sorts I know the truth about how many of her kind feel as well.  Talk about feeling a total lack of respect! 

The woman in me wants to strike back and say---what's wrong, are you jealous of the wonderful relationship that my daughter and I have--- but I know that would be a petty and useless response.  So the educated person in me will realize that I am comfortable where I am at.  I know what God calls me to do and I always have responded when I felt a call, even if it was good for some and not particularly me.  The calm professional inside of me will understand human behavior from not only a biblical standpoint but from the well trained and research that teaches us about human responses and psychological effects. 

I know that I can only ask my student to perform to their best ability but I also know that there is an expectation at each educational level.  IF I was in a different state the response would be different. In Illinois we are a free state in regards to regulations. As a member of the HSLDA I had to agree to teach according to state law and keep records of their work and attendance. So I have to then decide what that is.  I will tell you about that in my next post as this is now too long.

I suppose the real issue is that the "others" feel the need for others to confrom to their standards. At least that is how it feels and I feel attacked.  NUFF Said!